Primo guigno

Wow what is it with this nervousness? It's a constant queasiness in my stomach, a strong case of butterflies. Anyway, sono nervosa, nervous about leaving behind what I know, and about finding something new. I am more nervous this time than I was before. The last time, I think I felt excited, tied down to old strings, and I focused more on letting go of the past. This time I have come to terms with the present and I am looking ahead to a future that is ever so important. That's what makes it so frightening perhaps, knowing that I really need to make this work. It's scary that I never even knew this language the last time I was here, I didn't know him, I was alone, and sometimes alone is simpler because you can do what you like. I'm so used to being alone. Yet in the last five months I haven't felt alone, even if he wasn't physically present we were so much a part of each other's everyday lives. 

I am used to him and yet unused to him. I am both excited and afraid of the new. I could have asked for no one better to start my life with, I can think of no person nicer, or more kind than he. Yet I also need my own strength, my own purpose, I need to look after him too.