I feel a mix of things, excitement, trepidation, sadness, fear, joy. It's only natural. And the more you think about it, the bigger it grows in your head, and the more emotions you are able to allot it. It will be all right because it must be all right, I have that faith. It is not even that I am sad about the things I will leave behind. I may not even miss them when I am away. But for now I feel a great love for all that I shall leave behind. It's a joyous feeling,really. 

The last day

This winter, beyond the home and forest

Rinsing off the fatigue and the grime

Where the unknown makes its own solitude

I have promised, I must visit once

Neera

A silence had wanted - to touch another stillness

They went in opposite directions

Never even met in this lifetime

This

i know this with surety, in a way that i have not known it before this. i dont want to go back, and I have to leave. I don't know why, I suppose I am unhappy there. I think I am, though I dont notice it every day. I keep myself busy, there are things that I enjoy, and I deal with life. I dont stop to ask too many questions. I am only noticing it now - I think I am realising that I am going back to a place where I am alone, although I have never minded being alone before, and I am returning for a little while, a few months before I step into the unknown. The unknown should be frightening but it seems to be much more appealing than this familiar. I know there are good things to come, there must be. This familiar has certainly given me a great deal but it has also taken away a lot from me. I dont want to lose my integrity. I asked for the newspaper and I began to read it until I realised that I dont actually care what is happening there. I dont want to catch up with the news I missed. It doesnt matter to me. It did once. I thought I was going back home. Now I don't think of it as home - I don't think of any place as home. And that is a strange, strange feeling. 

Love is a fragment of verse, the rest will never be written